Warning: This episode on senior sex obviously contains adult material.
Joan Price teaches us that it’s OK to have sex after seventy
Today my guest was Joan Price, who is a senior sex guru. And as you know, sex is an important part of the retirement lifestyle.
Joan, who is an “advocate for ageless sexuality”, has written numerous books, and in fact, she has been called the “senior sexpert”. When I met her online I knew that I just had to have her on the show!
We discussed the fact that NO, we don’t have to sit in a separate bathtub holding hands with our partner (think Cialis commercials) and in fact, we don’t even need to have partner at all! Think about it, if you are a woman, chances are your partner (if you have one) is going to predecease you if you are around the same age since women live longer than men.
Senior Sex? I have so many questions!
What do you think about drugs like Cialis and Viagra?
Should these senior sex drugs be covered by Medicare?
What made you start writing about senior sex in the first place?
How can we spice up our sex lives?
Why do we tend to put our sex lives on hold as we get older?
What do we do if we don’t have a partner (Joan has a lot to say about this subject!)
If you’re shy, what do you do?
How can you talk to your doctor and what should you say?
What do you do with all those adult toys after you review them?
We talked about the fact that she writes reviews of sex toys from a senior perspective.
I asked her what the difference would be between a non-senior and a senior perspective and she was happy to tell me.
We lose sensitivity as we age, so senior sex toys should be really powerful.
For the same reason, they have to go a long time. We don’t want the battery dying at a critical moment.
An adult toy should be comfortable for arthritic hands (ergonomic).
The controls should be easy for aging eyes to see.
We need to be able to hold on to them with slippery fingers, so they should be easy to hold.
These devices should be made with non-toxic materials. There are no laws governing this like there are for dog toys or baby toys. (Who knew?)
Steven Loring, award-winning filmmaker and screenwriter, filmed “The Age Of Love”, a documentary which follows 30 people in their 70’s and 80’s participating in a senior speed dating event. New love can be found at any age. Listening to Steven tell his story will definitely make you want to see his film!
After discovering that a senior speed dating event was to take place, Steven had the challenge of getting all participants to agree to his filming. The responses surprised Steven and will surprise you as well.
Many seniors have resigned themselves to thinking that finding love is not possible. There is a general feeling that after a certain age desire for both physical and emotional love fades away. To make things worse, seniors tend to keep quiet about their feelings of loneliness.
In filming “The Age Of Love” Steven made the following observations:
The desire for both physical and emotional love is still present regardless of age.
The desire for something as simple as touch can cause feelings of loneliness and isolation.
The need is much deeper than what society terms as “companionship.”
Age strips away looks, status, and financial compatibility. This leaves only the desire to connect with someone who understands us and who will be there we need it.
You can feel the same emotional giddiness that we all have felt as teenagers!
People in more than 14 countries have seen it. It moves past age, sex, economic level, and social background of the viewers. Age is the great equalizer and it will affect all of us.
You can find the films at venues that have scheduled screenings, but it may be available in the future via streaming or DVD.
Listen to the Interview with Geraldine “Geri” Afshari, Harp Musician and Speaker on iTunes, Stitcher, or Podcast Addict.
For instructions on how to do that, go HERE. She played a song for us, and we can’t put that into words!
Geri Afshari is a musician and plays the Paraguayan harp professionally, travels extensively and lived in Iran, is a writer/editor/photographer, a lay counselor, a life-long activist, an avid SUP paddler, and hunts sea glass for her sea glass mosaic artwork. She is also retired from working because she has to for money. What a great place to be!
Geri has been the featured speaker for numerous parent classes and teacher workshops over the years, including MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers), various women’s ministries, annual Pre-12 th grade conventions for ACSI (Association of Christian Schools International), and many K-12 school and home school groups.
She loves to SUP (Stand Up Paddle Board), and tells people to slow down, use the luxury of time, understand how sound healing works, and she also volunteers for the palliative care team at Scripps Encinitas.
Her newest passions include harp therapy and sound meditation, besides whatever her family is doing.
Geri is the mother of 2 grown children and has 2 grandsons. They all live near her in North San Diego County and share her love for the ocean and nature in general. She loves taking them with her on trips.
She plays her Paraguayan harp at all types of events besides harp therapy and sound meditation.
Geri says that eating, cleaning, epigenetics, yoga and meditation all can help improve your health. Of course, listening to music (and in particular harp music) can’t hurt either!
What do you think people should know BEFORE they retire?
Geri thinks people should know how free and giddy they’ll feel to own their own time. She also thinks retirees should remember that the best things in life really are free. You will find your new self, your significance, your purpose and you don’t need much money. She also says to spend time in nature.
What if you feel stuck:
Give yourself permission to return to your basic self. Your health is your responsibility, so take ownership of it, don’t outsource it anyone. Research, learn, grow, heal and seek joy. Do things that line up with the heart of God. Time is the treasure so use it well. Serve others and you will be blessed.
What the heck is Palliative Care? I’d never heard of it before 2016.
Pastor William “Bill” Harman came on the show to explain Palliative Care to us.
His background is long so I’ll summarize his current activities:
Center for Global Awareness
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America
Lives in Encinitas, CA
Bill Harman is the Chaplain with the Palliative Care Team at Scripps Encinitas Hospital. He came on the show to talk to us
What is it?
Palliative Care is not hospice. It is specialized medical care to relieve symptoms and improve quality of life. This is for conditions that won’t be cured but can be managed. Some of the diseases include COPD, other respiratory disorders, and cancer.
Why would someone want it?
Palliative care is designed for comfort and pain management. It is for the seriously ill, but for those who are trying to get better. Palliative care helps minimize pain and discomfort. 90% of hospitals that have over 300 beds have a palliative care program.
What does a Chaplain do?
Chaplains are educators. Chaplains provide spiritual care, and educate people about end of life. Bill is familiar with 55 religious preferences and helps facilitate the dying’s wishes. Bill said that according to the “happiness index”, Bhutan is the happiest country because of how they deal with death. Chaplains deal with human issues, not necessary religion.
Why does it even exist?
In the 1950s, people died earlier. Now we are extending life. As we extend life we need to answer questions for ourselves. If we want to extend our own lives longer, then palliative care can help with the discomfort and pain we feel because of disease.
Who pays for it?
Although Medicare pays for the bulk of palliative care, there are pediatric palliative care teams at certain hospitals.
To hear the both stories in full, listen to the episode on iTunes, Stitcher, or Podcast Addict. For instructions on how to listen on your smartphone, go HERE.
Surfer Story: Bill told us a story about a surfer who had cancer. He wasn’t going to survive and he wanted to spend one more night on the beach. The team was able to get him to the beach to help accommodate his last wish.
Hawaii Story: Bill told us of another patient who wanted to go to Hawaii. The team wasn’t able to send him to Hawaii, but they DID throw a Hawaiian party for her.
Marriage: Another story was how a patient wanted to see his daughter get married. Many of the things that the team did was similar to Make a Wish.
TJ understands this disability personally, because she was born with a hearing loss.
She’s been working over 20 years with the hearing impaired as a nurse, and she also has a personal story. She told the story of how she was run over by a skier who didn’t understand that she couldn’t hear him yelling at her to get out-of-the-way.
Her friend said, “He couldn’t see that you can’t hear” and that’s what gave her the idea for a world-wide symbol for the hearing impaired.
Hiking trails can use the symbol. Biking trails can use the symbol. Businesses can use the symbol. Any place where hearing impaired people might be can have a symbol. TJ is on a mission to get these hearing impaired symbols installed in public places because if we know that there are hearing impaired people there, we can watch for them.
Hearing Communication Symbol
TJ’s interview gave us great information including “10 foods that you can use to help reduce hearing loss” so I created that freebie for you, and you can download it HERE.
She also gave us some other great tips. Let the hospital know if your loved one is hearing impaired so that they can take measures to keep him or her comfortable. From personal experience, I can’t hear my chiropractor when she puts her hands over my ears to do an adjustment so I let her know.
I couldn’t capture all of the information she gave us, because the interview was so jam-packed. Listen to the episode yourself for more great tips!
Teresa “TJ” Barnes is a Registered Nurse / Keynote Speaker / Consultant / Trainer / HearC Products
Beth Montemurro is a sociology professor at Penn State University. During the last 15 years she’s been studying gender and sexuality. She has studied bridal showers and bachelorette parties (which was her doctoral dissertation), male exotic dancers, reality television, and attitudes.
She is interested in the ways that people learn about and develop sexual selves through interaction with culture and the
Beth Montemurro author of Deserving Desire
ways gender norms are created and sustained in everyday life.
I spoke with her because of her book, Deserving Desire: Women’s Stories of Sexual Evolution.
I loved this paperback book cover! Although it’s considered a text book she can help the non-academic as well, and I plan to purchase a copy of this book for my kindle.
We live in a youth oriented culture. How does this affect women and our desire
as we age?
Beth told me several stories about some of the women she interviewed. Please listen to the episode to hear those stories. We talked about how our partners mold our definitions of who we are sexually.
When a woman goes through menopause there is no change in desire, unless she isn’t active sexually, in which case her desire tends to lesson.
Beth sent me a beautiful signed copy of her book, Deserving Desire, to give away in a drawing.
Kathe with Deserving Desire Book
If you read this before 8/12/16 there is still time to enter to win it! Just go to http://RockYourRetirement.com/drawing to enter. Note: You must be residing in the USA in order to win. Good luck!
Something Old, Something Bold: Bridal Showers and Bachelorette Parties
Deserving Desire: Women’s Stories of Sexual Evolution
Something Old, Something Bold: Bridal Showers and Bachelorette Parties
What do you think people should know BEFORE they retire?
Maintaining sexual desire is normal as people age and no one should feel limited by stereotypes about aging.
What to do if you feel stuck?
Stay engaged in relationships. Seek out new relationships. Accept that the way your sexuality is expressed may change, but that does not mean sexual intimacy becomes unimportant or non-existent.
If you are a man in your 50s and 60s, Beth wants to interview you about a research study she’s conducting! Please email her to set up a phone appointment.
Find out what we've learned about retirement that has nothing to do with money. Then we'll keep you in the know every week. Let us know at any time if you change your mind.
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