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Men and Women in Retirement: Episode 138

men and women

Men and women when it comes to retirement

Dr. Sara Yogev is a psychologist who helps people in marital and individual therapy, as well as career coaching. She was a professor at North Western University for 10 years and researched how people combine work life and family life. Her interest and expertise revolve around retirement.

She decided to start working with marriages a long time ago. She believes the relationship with others is so important.

In this episode, you will learn about

  • How to make your marriage work
  • Psychology of Retirement
  • Misconceptions about retirement
  • Psychological planning pre-retirement
  • Men and women in Retirement

People spend a great amount of time preparing for the financial aspects of retirement but don’t plan for the psychological aspects of retirement. It is very important on a personal and couple level to prepare for this new phase of life.

Two strong misconceptions revolved around retirement

  1. People think they know how to do leisure. They don’t consider leisure that takes up one-fourth of your life is different than a one week or one-month vacation of leisure.
  2. People are not aware retirement will create a lot of changes in marriages or significant relationships. Many domains need to be renegotiated.
Men and women

Depression in people over the age of 65 is rising. A lot of seniors are reporting, in addition to medical problems, psychological and depressive issues. Research shows 1/3 of retiree’s experience depression in the first two years of retirement.

The group that tends to have the most difficult time retiring is professional women, even more than men. Research is consistently showing that there is very unhealthy alcohol consumption among seniors. Men tend to drink more than women.

Both men and women report, in the first two years of retirement, low level of marital satisfaction and high level of conflict. Divorce is surprisingly rising the 50 plus age group. Loneliness is a very strong, negative influence on health.

Tips for pre-retirement
  • Your vision for retirement might not match your significant other’s vision for retirement. Be prepared that there might be different expectations.
  • Disagreements don’t indicate you have a bad relationship. It means you need to adjust.
  • Know it’s a transition and there will be some bumps in the road.
  • Planning for retirement before you retire.
Links

The Baby Boomer 30-Day Journal

The Couple’s Guide to Happy Retirement and Aging

 Contact Sarah

Sarayogev.com

sarayogev@yahoo.com

Phone: 842-470-1925

Let’s talk about Senior Dating: Episode 134

senior datingLet’s talk about senior dating – how to date and build intimate relationships as we age

Walker Thornton is 63 years old with a background in Educational Psychology. She has been a writer for years, writing poetry and journaling. Walker started dating post-divorce in her early 50's and started writing about it. She realized there wasn’t a whole lot of information for older women when it came to dating and relationships.

Walker works with individuals to talk about relationships. She has conversations with men and women to revamp their dating profile. She is sometimes called “The Sex Whisperer”.

Senior Dating – The first thing you need to do if you are ready to get out there:

Make sure you are ready and you are not rushing to fill a void. Your desire to go out with someone should be based on mutual interest. Often people rush into the dating world in despair which can lead to not wise choices. Think about what you are looking for. Are you looking for marriage, a long-term relationship, romance, sex or someone to do things with?

Are online dating services a positive or negative way to find people especially for senior dating?

It can be a great or awful way. It depends upon your goal. Be prepared to put in work and effort to find a good match.

Advice for someone getting into the online dating world:
  1. Be honest about yourself and share your real self.
  2. Show accurate photos and information so the other person can get a sense of who you really are.
  3. Talk on the phone prior to the first date.
  4. Make the first date short, leave yourself an out if it’s not going well.

Walker recommends open communication between sexual partners, especially around comfort levels and using protection. When it comes to flirting, you can simply make direct eye contact, smile and touch the other person’s hand to show interest. You don’t necessarily have to twirl your hair or bat your eyes. There are many ways to express desire or interest subtly.

Words of wisdom for someone just getting back into dating:
  • Make a list of the traits you want your ideal partner to have. What are you looking for?
  • Get a good, recent picture of yourself you feel comfortable in made for your dating profile.
Walker’s Book:

Inviting Desire, A Guide for Women Who Want to Enhance Their Sex Life

Connect with Walker:

Website: https://www.walkerthornton.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wit62/

Facebook: https://vtfww.facebook.com/WalkerJThornton/

This post about retirement and retirement lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

Finding the love of your Life: Episode 126

love of your lifeFinding the love of your life as an older adult can be an elusive proposition

Alan told his friend that he's going to be in our podcast and he will be talking about love. His friend's reaction was “You?! A love doctor? That's a real laugh. You've never been any good at love. The only luck you ever have is love with your novels.” She knows Alan very well that's why she had that opinion. Alan had some long-term relationships that didn't work out.

Alan easily finds love but struggles to maintain relationships. In this episode, Alan shares his past dating experiences, why he thinks they didn’t work out and how he plans to navigate romance going forward. Alan isn’t on dating sites and he doesn’t go on blind dates but he puts himself out there in various ways, such as dancing.

On Today’s Show we discuss:

  • 6 pillars of retirement
  • Selfishness in relationships
  • Getting and Keeping love
  • The difficulty of connecting as you get olderfinding your love

 What Alan Has Learned from Past Experiences That Will Help in Future Love Endeavors?

“I think I’ve been selfish in my relationships. I vowed to be less selfish, more flexible and less rigid.”

 The Irony of Relationships Among Older People

Many older people don’t feel they need to be in a relationship. At the same time, studies show if you are married, you are more likely to live a longer and healthier life.

Learn from Alan
  • Don’t try to sell your book on a first date
  • Put your phone down on dates and when you’re with loved ones
  • Be present in the moment
  • It’s never too late, the love of your life could be right around the corner.
  • Don't look for someone faults and why a relationship won't work. Focus on the positive

 Alan’s advice 

“Be flexible and open”

Alan Mindell is a prior podcast guest, bestselling author, guide at Friendly Excursions and multiple gold winner of the San Diego version of the Senior Olympics.

Connect with Alan

solanabeachalan@yahoo.com

Alan’s Books
The B Team
:

The Closer: A Baseball Love Story

 

 

 

 

How traveling affects relationships: Episode 125

Traveling affects relationships. Sometimes it can bring couples closer together, and sometimes it can put a strain on the relationship.

There is a saying “couples who travel together, stay together”.. ok, I made that up. I don't think it is an actual saying. I wanted to dig into the topic of how traveling affects relationships. As a lot of you may know, my husband Les and I enjoy traveling. We wanted to share some of our experiences and tips we have gathered over the years to make it less stressful and a more enjoyable time.

Here are some things that you may need to talk about and might have an impact on why traveling affects relationships

  • Preparation
    • Talk about how you're going to travel. Example, how much luggage you will be bringing, and the type of clothes you will be packing. Create a packing list or use the checklist I provided below at the end of the show notes.
  • Timeframes
    • Discuss how many days, weeks or months are you going to stay there?
  • How much money you are going to spend
    • One example is buying a plane ticket. Should you go for a business class or economy? It sometimes depends on the number of flying hours like when Les and I had a 13-hour flight. The price for a business class is times 4 the price of economy. Les isn't a fan of paying that much for airplane tickets but I Like the extra space and comfort. So on long flights, Les agrees comfort is important.
  • Planning Details together
    • Who's going to take care of your house while you're gone? Are you going to pay for it or have a neighbor do it? Les and I are considering house sitting now.
  • Decide who is carrying what in their suitcases
    • I like to bring a nutri-blender with me because sometimes when we go out of the country. I have a special drink I like for dinner but the blender weighs 8-9 pounds! So even though Les would have carried my suitcase for me, the blender takes up a lot pf precious room. So, I typically leave this at home.

Sometimes there can be stressful situations that will test your relationship.

  • Discuss what you both want to do on the vacation
    • Discuss what you both want to do. I like to go to warm climates and lay on the beach and Les wants to go to cooler climates and do activities. He isn't one to lay around on a beach all day. What we do is we compromise. We go to warm places sometimes and we go to cooler climates sometimes. I think compromise is key in traveling and in any relationship.
  • Decide if you want to spend the entire time together or are you going to have “break-out” sessions and do something on your own
    • Sometimes, you and who you're with don't like to do the same things or activities. When my sister and I went on a vacation together, she wanted to hang out by the pool and I wanted to go and visit museums. As a couple, you need to decide if it is okay to do things on your own sometimes.
  • Plan on what to do if you accidentally get separated
    • What if you get separated from each other? On our trip to Asia, we got separated from each other. We were in a shopping area and I was looking at cute little things while Les is looking at the backpacks. We made arrangements that if we get separated, to meet each other in a certain area.

traveling affects relationships

There is no question that traveling affects relationships. Patience, planning, preparation, are just a few things to have a successful vacation with your significant other.

Do you have any stories on how traveling affects relationships?

Have you had a good experience where it brought you closer together? Or have you had a bad experience? Please feel free to let us know in the notes below

Here is my packing checklist if you would like a copy Vacation Packing List